"I swear to God, I'm going to lose my mind," Jennifer* announced as her video popped up on my screen.

"Do you know what I did this morning? Before my 8AM board meeting? Before my investor call?"

She didn’t wait for my response.

"I bought his mother's birthday card. AGAIN. Because apparently, a seven-figure CEO still needs me to remind him about his own mother's birthday.

And the worst part? His sister called to thank him for the ‘thoughtful’ card. And he just said, ‘you’re welcome.’"

Her laugh was sharp enough to cut glass.

"Meanwhile, I’m the one who spent an hour picking the perfect card, writing the heartfelt message, making sure it arrived on time. Because heaven forbid his mother realize her son couldn’t be bothered.

I’m so sick of this. So. Damn. Sick."

“So, don’t buy the card then.”

I said quietly, as if I was stating the weather. Not as real advice—but to help her see what was driving her exhaustion.

She stared at me like I was speaking a language from another planet.

"Then who will?"

"No one, probably."

"And his mother won’t get a card."

"Correct."

"And she’ll be hurt."

"Possibly."

"And she’ll think he doesn’t care."

"Maybe."

"And then she'll call him, upset, and he'll be mad at me because I didn't remind him, and the whole family will be judging me, and—"

"And that would be... terrifying?"

She stopped, mouth slightly open—like it had never occurred to her that beneath all that anger was fear. Fear of the fallout, the judgment, the mess she’d spent a lifetime trying to prevent.

When you grow up with Emotionally Immature Parents…

You learn early on that if you're not constantly on guard, chaos isn’t far behind.

That your safety, worth, and love depend on anticipating needs and preventing disasters before they happen.

So, keeping it all together becomes your new identity:

✨ The one who “just knows” what everyone needs.

✨ The one who “handles everything" and smoothes over tensions.

✨ The one who makes sure no one feels uncomfortable, unprepared, or let down.

And when you bring this pattern into your adult relationships or work, it can feel good—even powerful at first. Being the one who always steps up and always has it handled keeps the old fear at bay—the fear that everything will fall apart or that you aren’t enough on your own.

That is, until the exhaustion sets in.

Until you realize no amount of managing or reminding will make your partner show up differently.

And that realization? It just makes you try even harder. You push past exhaustion, micromanage every detail, and hold everything together through sheer force of will.

That’s why breaking free from resentment isn’t actually about 'making' your partner step up or waiting for them to finally see every single thing you do.

Those “solutions” are still built on the belief—the fear—that everything must be managed, controlled, and done just right to keep you safe.

Instead, real change starts with uncovering who you are beyond the fixer, beyond the one constantly preventing disasters.

It starts with learning to sit with the discomfort of things being undone, done poorly, or not done at all—without rushing in to fix them out of fear. It means learning how to ask for what you need in a way that actually lands without the criticism and blame.

>> That's exactly part of what I teach you in How to Love After Childhood Trauma. Click here to learn more about my relationship program.

In fact, when you stop swooping in to save everyone, you create the context for real change to happen in your relationship, like:

✨ creating space for real conversations about what you both need—without criticism, without blame.

✨ finally seeing what your partner is actually capable of when given the chance (and it usually surprises you).

✨ finding energy for the moments that make relationships worth it, like those vacations you want to take or date nights you want to have, instead of collapsing into bed exhausted from managing everyone else's life.

And most importantly?

Every time you let something be imperfect without rushing to fix it, you send a powerful message to that terrified younger part of you:

You’re not in danger anymore.

Your worth isn’t tied to preventing disasters.

You are safe enough to just be—instead of constantly do.

So, the next time you feel that familiar pull start to take over, pause and ask yourself the same questions I asked Jennifer in that coaching session:

✨ Who taught you that you had to prevent every problem?

✨ What payoff exists for you in letting someone else figure it out—even if they do it differently?

✨ Can you still be okay even if your partner gets it wrong?

Feel free to reply to me with your answers 💛

Chat again soon,

Morgan

*Disclaimer: The story of 'Jennifer' is a composite representation based on recurring themes and challenges encountered by hundreds of coaching clients. All identifying details have been altered to protect privacy and maintain confidentiality. Any resemblance to actual individuals is purely coincidental. This content is intended for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional coaching, medical, or mental health advice. It is not a substitute for services provided by a regulated healthcare professional in Ontario. If you require support, please seek guidance from a qualified professional.